Last Saturday when I was leaving Market Basket with my dad, he asked me if I finished the work I needed to do for that day. Even though I usually work on Flux every day, I took that Saturday to spend the day outside with my dogs, laying in the shade and reading (me reading, not so much them). While telling my dad what we did that afternoon, I felt the urge to show him pictures on my phone of the dogs sniffing around. And as he was scrolling through the dog pictures, he actually scrolled further than I intended and ended up at the professional photographs of my jewelry. I wasn't sure what he was looking at for so long, but he handed my phone back and said, "your jewelry looks great." As someone who doesn't share much, if anything, with my dad about my business, I was really shocked to receive high praise from him. That comment left me to reflect the rest of the day.
I've had a complicated relationship with my dad regarding my business and what I choose to focus my life on. I remember him telling me during college that I'd never make anything of myself for studying fashion design, which shaped the way I thought of myself and my talents for years to come. So sharing my jewelry journey with my dad isn't something that comes easy to me - I try to keep it at a base level of "everything's good" as much as I can, with nary a detail.
But last Saturday was different. Whatever higher power had urged me to share my phone with my dad knew something that I didn't: that my dad actually cares about what I do. Deeply cares, at that. Though he lived a different life working a 40-hour work week with a boss who signed his paycheck each week for 45 years, I could still feel him anxiously trying to understand the work life I'm drawn to. I could feel the unconditional love and relief in his voice when he said "your jewelry looks great" because I had kept him out of a very significant part of my life that he desperately wanted to be part of, but didn't know how to. His comment has since changed the way I feel about myself and my capabilities; it opened a door that I didn't realize was shut. Not that it was any type of validation from him, but it made me realize how much he wants to be included and how he's trying to understand me. I realized had felt so misunderstood for so long that I didn't give him the chance to understand me in the first place.
I had gone through so much of my life expecting a certain reaction out of my dad that I didn't give him a chance to react. I didn't let him get to know me. I thought that I was keeping myself safe by saying "everything's good" to keep him at bay, but there was so much I was missing out on. I was keeping such a large part of me under wraps out of fear of being misunderstood, and losing a transformative part of our relationship in the process.
I'm learning how to give my dad a chance, to let him know what I spend every day working on. I'm also learning to stand up for myself when needed, even offering knowledge I have that he doesn't. Just because he doesn't understand, doesn't mean he doesn't want to. And I've been doing him a disservice by shutting him out of this part of my life.
It can be so much easier to isolate ourselves, convince ourselves that we're better on our own to avoid heartbreak, but we lose any sort of connection there could have been. While healing can inadvertently throw us into isolation in order to reflect, we need to come out of hiding sometimes to see how loved we are. To see how valued we are. To see that we're not alone.
Last Saturday changed my life. Hearing from my dad that my handmade jewelry "looks great" - the jewelry that I've spent five years perfecting my soldering, photography, and marketing for - removed so many fears I didn't realize I still carried. I was able to let my sword down and let my dad in. He showed me how much I've learned and achieved on my own, and that I should be sharing with him more. And I will, happily.
There comes a time when we've gained all the knowledge we need and we have to do something with it. Usually that means sharing that knowledge with others, whether through TikTok, YouTube, a book, or a song. If you've been painting for 10 years and find you've perfected your craft, now's probably the time to share your works of art with others. And sharing with others can be so scary, not knowing what they'll think of something you've put your all into, but that's the only way you'll find genuine connections.
The right people will care and want to learn more - so let them ask questions and give them a chance to love you. Allow them to support you and be a part of your journey. Let them celebrate you and teach you how you can be celebrating yourself. Because all the work you've done, all the hours you spent dedicated to your craft, are cause for celebration. Let your walls down so the right people can be there just for you. You don't have to do it alone anymore - your light deserves to be admired.
- JS