Part of growing is experiencing some of the people around us wanting to keep us in the box they put us in - the version they only accept us as. Growth can be uncomfortable for people who have no desire to grow themselves, or who don't want to see you grow. It can be a time for them to face the fact that they don't know the version of you they once knew, that you're no longer living to please them. While it can be sad to come to terms with, it's an honest aspect of growing.
Not all the people who once knew you want to see you change. Especially if that includes people who used to see you struggling or at a point in your life where you may have been fun for them (yet miserable on the inside) and they want to keep you like that. For example, if you were a heavy partier and you used to hang around people who only liked you when you were partying, they're probably not going to be happy when you stop showing up on Saturday nights and start wanting better for yourself. Or if you grew up around people who liked to pick on you, joke at you, and use you for a laugh when the jokes weren't reciprocated...they might not stick around when you grow a backbone and stand up for yourself. And honestly, none of those people are your real friends. Friendship should be reciprocated, an equal exchange of support and energy, even if it's expressed in different ways between one another. A real friendship will not leave you feeling drained and depleted because it will nourish you and reciprocate the effort.
When you're acting for your greatest good and those past relationships end because of it, take that as a sign. They were never true friendships anyway. And that may be sad to realize and you may want to resort to your past self, but don't. Keep going on your journey. Keep growing into the person you truly want to be. Those people may not care for the person you fully are, but the right people will. The right people won't use you just for a laugh, and they'll still be there when the party's over.
While you're healing, you may also get angry for the things you let slide, for the people who took advantage of you, and the times you held yourself back from fully being yourself. But practice forgiveness for yourself and for them so you can let go of that baggage. Forgive them for who they were so you can move on with your life in the best way. Holding onto those emotions will just keep you mentally and emotionally stuck in the past. And when you're on a timeline of growth, that includes forgiving the difficult times when you were still learning.
If you're at the in-between phase where you're spending most of your time alone, take this time to be honest with yourself about the person you want to be and the people you want to be around. Once you're truly comfortable in your own company, you get to decide who's worthy of being in your space. Choose people who are going to encourage you to be yourself, whether you're happy or sad, and still love you no matter what.
- JS
Watch the accompanying YouTube video here: https://youtu.be/d5qf_tZHrTc